I am an ordinary woman doing ordinary thingsI spend my time thinking about food What my children will eat for meals Worrying about how much they are eating If they have eaten enough If they haven't eaten enough, will they sleep enough? Will the youngest nap? Will she wake up at night? Will she fall to sleep fast? Will she fall asleep by herself? Will she need me? Will I be able? Am I reading enough to them? Are they getting enough stimulation? Do they watch too much TV? Am I doing enough? Am I enough? Am I wasting my time with my ambitions? What are my ambitions? Is it all for nothing? Is it all for something? Am I wasting my time in general? Should I be doing more rather than resting when I am tired? I want to do so much but I am tired Am I weak? Am I weak in mind? Am I weak in body? Can I be bothered? Do my kids love me? Am I enough? Will I ever be enough? Will I ever do enough? Will things get better? As they get older will things be easier? Or will it always be this way? Am I just wishing away these early years? Should I be enjoying it all more? Should I be savouring every nappy change? Every soaked nappy Every stinky nappy Every spoon-fed meal Every spilled cup Every stained fabric Every scribbled surface Every scream Every shout Every STUCK yelled Every sniffly nose Every snot covered sleeve Every spit covered bib Every sad cry Every scared cuddle Every sting from a wasp Every sting from a bee Every splinter embedded Every shy encounter Every shaky step Every slow walk Every scabbed knee Every swollen lip Every stomp Every stamped hand Every shoe lost Every sock in odd pairs Every scattered piece of clothing Every swing on a swing Every slide on a slide Every soggy puddle jump Every stick held in hand Every stone collected Every skill unlocked Every sudden wakeup Every short sleep Every sound machine storm Every snatched hair Every sore feed Every sour milk smell Every sickness Every sick session in the car Every spotty face Every squirrel spotted Every sheep impression Every snap of my hand crocodile Every space invasion Every scribble when I am trying to write Every shredded document Every swim in the bath Every splash in my face Every soapy hand wash Every stolen drink Every stolen breakfast Every stolen lunch Every stolen dinner Every stolen dessert Every stolen snack Every salt shaker licked Every stale crust found Every squashed crumb Every saddle invisible on my back Every struggle to get out of bed Sorry Every sing along Every surprised face Every squeal Every shared treat Every stretch together Every sweet moment But I just want to lie in bed and read a book interrupted for hours I want to have me time with no stress about a child waking I want to have the energy to make things I want to find good balance I want to be more positive I want to whine less I want to just be And be a good mother Whatever that means.