I Am Bored of Mother's Guilt (2023)

I am an ordinary woman doing ordinary things

I spend my time thinking about food

What my children will eat for meals

Worrying about how much they are eating

If they have eaten enough

If they haven't eaten enough, will they sleep enough?

Will the youngest nap?

Will she wake up at night?

Will she fall to sleep fast?

Will she fall asleep by herself?

Will she need me?

Will I be able?

Am I reading enough to them?

Are they getting enough stimulation?

Do they watch too much TV?

Am I doing enough?

Am I enough?

Am I wasting my time with my ambitions?

What are my ambitions?

Is it all for nothing?

Is it all for something?

Am I wasting my time in general?

Should I be doing more rather than resting when I am tired?

I want to do so much but I am tired

Am I weak?

Am I weak in mind?

Am I weak in body?

Can I be bothered?

Do my kids love me?

Am I enough?

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever do enough?

Will things get better?

As they get older will things be easier?

Or will it always be this way?

Am I just wishing away these early years?

Should I be enjoying it all more?

Should I be savouring every nappy change?

Every soaked nappy

Every stinky nappy

Every spoon-fed meal

Every spilled cup

Every stained fabric

Every scribbled surface

Every scream

Every shout

Every STUCK yelled

Every sniffly nose

Every snot covered sleeve

Every spit covered bib

Every sad cry

Every scared cuddle

Every sting from a wasp

Every sting from a bee

Every splinter embedded

Every shy encounter

Every shaky step

Every slow walk

Every scabbed knee

Every swollen lip

Every stomp

Every stamped hand

Every shoe lost

Every sock in odd pairs

Every scattered piece of clothing

Every swing on a swing

Every slide on a slide

Every soggy puddle jump

Every stick held in hand

Every stone collected

Every skill unlocked

Every sudden wakeup

Every short sleep

Every sound machine storm

Every snatched hair

Every sore feed

Every sour milk smell

Every sickness

Every sick session in the car

Every spotty face

Every squirrel spotted

Every sheep impression

Every snap of my hand crocodile

Every space invasion

Every scribble when I am trying to write

Every shredded document

Every swim in the bath

Every splash in my face

Every soapy hand wash

Every stolen drink

Every stolen breakfast

Every stolen lunch

Every stolen dinner

Every stolen dessert

Every stolen snack

Every salt shaker licked

Every stale crust found

Every squashed crumb

Every saddle invisible on my back

Every struggle to get out of bed


Every sing along

Every surprised face

Every squeal

Every shared treat

Every stretch together

Every sweet moment

But I just want to lie in bed and read a book interrupted for hours

I want to have me time with no stress about a child waking

I want to have the energy to make things

I want to find good balance

I want to be more positive

I want to whine less

I want to just be

And be a good mother

Whatever that means.